


Ten Days in December

by ThatwasJustaDream



Series: Thank you fics - 2014 Brag Book on the LJ 1_million_words comm [4]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Community: 1-million-words, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-01
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-04 16:07:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3073967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatwasJustaDream/pseuds/ThatwasJustaDream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place after the events involving Steve's kidnapping and Danny's brother's death. Danny is ready for a deeper relationship with Steve - who is both pulling and pushing away with both hands. The question being why?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. December 19th

**Author's Note:**

  * For [haldoor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/haldoor/gifts), [Galadriel34](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Galadriel34/gifts).



> So this fic presumes that a few weeks after Afghanistan, and Steve's recovery from events there, he and Danny finally got involved. That's my head cannon and I'm sticking with it. ;)

“Started your shopping yet?” Danny asked between bites of garlic shrimp, watching Kono happily tuck into her macaroni salad.

It wasn’t often they hit a food truck just the two of them, but after a ride to the north shore to re-interview a witness and hours chasing down the new leads he provided they were tired and hungry. Sitting here under a shady awning, the ocean to one side and the Kamehameha Highway on the other was the perfect break.

“I’ve picked up stocking stuffers and wrapping paper. Cards. But that’s it,” she said. “I’m stumped over what to get Adam. I’m thinking maybe a membership in one of those really nice wine clubs, you know?”

“Isn’t that more like a present for both of you?” Danny gave her a ‘don’t kid a kidder’ look and got a grimace and a nod in return.

“That obvious, huh? Maybe I’ll make that his second gift. Damn, it’s hard buying for a guy who can pick up anything he wants whenever he wants it. How is yours going?”

“Pretty good. I’ve already put the package for mom and dad in the mail. Grace, she’s still young enough not to be shy about drawing up a list for me so that’s easy-peasy. I got Steve a couple of things I think he’ll really like, but…I don’t know….”

Danny found himself picking at his rice and hesitating.

“What don’t you know?” Kono’s gently wheedling tone suggested it was dawning on her that Danny had posed the question to steer things here in the first place.

“I feel like I need to get him something that makes a strong statement.”

“As in?”

“I’m more than your fuck buddy.”

Kono took a big swig of her iced tea to keep from inhaling a bite of her lunch. 

“Well, all right then,”

“Sorry,” Danny said.

“No, hey… no worries. But so you know,” she made a little circle in his direction with her fork. “…that’s not what you two are. No way.”

“And you’re basing that on what?”

“That you’ll always be really close friends. You’re not going to let where things have, uh, gone this year change that, no matter how it turns out. Right?”

“Correct. We can’t have that. It’s the only piece of .…whatever it is we are now that’s actually been discussed between us; the not-letting-this-screw-us-up part.”

“So that makes you more like friends with benefits.”

“Point taken. But I’m not…. I’m not even really sure that’s the case. It’s more like…..”

Danny took a breath, debating whether to keep going or to change the subject. Part of the reason it was tough to verbalize about was that they simply hadn’t needed to discuss ‘them’ with their work-family group yet; Steve and Danny had been close in so many ways that when things turned physical recently it had simply been picked up on and accepted without them ever actually having to tell Kono or Chin or Lou a damn thing.

Then the whole nightmare with Matt happened, and before Danny had even come close to getting his head around his loss, Wo Fat just about killed Steve. So the fact that they had recently begun to occupy a new place with each other naturally took a back seat.

“Oh, this is hard,” Danny said. “I suck at talking about this kind of stuff. And before, when I really had to talk with someone.… I talked with him.”

“C’mon,” She gave him a kick under the picnic table. “Tell your Auntie Kono. I can take it. I swear I won’t even blush.”

“Auntie, Ha, yeah, right. But…well, I don’t really have anyone else I can talk to, do I? As in seriously, no one. Can’t ask Rachel for advice about Steve. Or Chin or Lou. I think if I did, they’d run away so hard they’d set the sidewalk on fire.”

“Chin would do anything for you; you know that by now but… he’s not big on relationship details. I, however, am fine with them.”

“I see, I get it; you’re my _dirty_ Auntie Kono. You want the salacious stuff.”

“So not fair,” she gave him a mock-offended chin tilt. “I’m offering an ear and the promise that no one hears a word of it from me. Whether you take me up on it? That’s up to you, Danny.”

“Okay,” He took a deep breath and pushed his tray away. “Here’s the thing. I feel like maybe all he and I have done is tacked recreational messing around onto our friendship. We spend a more time together than we used to, yes, but not all that much more. We never stay over at each other’s places, or even linger in bed. I’ve offered all that up when we’ve been at my apartment, but he’s got some excuse, you know? Has plans to surf before work or needs to jump on the gardening first thing Saturday.”

“Always something perfectly reasonable,” Kono offered. “But always something.”

“Yeah. The more worrisome part is that lately…he seems more distant, if that’s possible. He’ll give me the ‘I love you’ back if I say it, but I sure haven’t heard it spontaneously. And we only ….” Danny looked toward the parking lot in order to get the rest of the sentence out without crippling embarrassment. “we…only kiss when we’re, uh, getting things going. Not afterward and never randomly, like kissing to bond, you know? And we haven’t actually…..”

“Haven’t what?” Kono asked when the next pause got extra long and Danny went very pink-cheeked. “Sealed the deal? Made the beast with two backs? Taken the trip to pound town?”

“Oh my sweet lord….yes, potty mouth. That. And before you ask and I die of embarrassment the answer is no. I don’t think it’s because he doesn’t want more from me physically. I think he's keeping us on the basic tier and I want all the bells and whistles. I want ….geez, Kono, I want everything with him. In every sense. I want him, and I want to be all his.”

“Danny, wow,” Kono sat back, a happy sad smile on her face. “That’s wonderful. You know everyone will be so, so happy for you two if you make it work. Right?”

“Yeah, I do. Thank you,” Danny relaxed a little, stopped feeling the need to look at the ocean or play with the cardboard on his food containers now that the toughest parts were spoken. 

"So why don't you..... tell him?"

"You know why? 'Cause every time I start to I see him tense and I picture him, what, a month ago? Lying on that cement floor in that warehouse looking at me like I just destroyed his heart all over again by telling him his dad's gone and....I don't know. I feel the need to be really ginger with him."

"I...can see that. He still looks out of it to me, some days."

“So, what would you do? Knowing the situation and his degree of emotional constipation, what would you do?”

“I’m always in favor of just saying what you have to say, but… maybe you’re onto something; a present could be the way to broach it gently. Give him something sexy, or a bunch of little somethings that are sexy and clearly meant for taking things further.”

“And if it goes over like a lead balloon?”

“Then you’ll know you need to talk,” Kono gave his hand an encouraging pat. “Right? At least you’ll know.”

“True. Thank you, Doctor Sally Jesse Kalakaua. 

“You’re welcome,” Kono turned her attention back to her lunch. “My therapy couch is always open to you.”

“Watch out what you wish for,” Danny said. “You just might get it.”


	2. December 25th-29th

“What’s this?” Danny heard a happy but confused note in Steve’s voice as he turned a box wrapped in shiny deep blue paper around and around in his hands.

He was like a kid about presents, in a way that always tore at Danny’s heart because it reminded him Steve wasn’t used to getting a whole lot of them until recently.

He leaned over the recliner where Steve sat, and started nosing Steve’s hair.

“It’s no biggie. Something extra I picked up special for you. Well….for us,” Danny came around to sit on Steve’s couch and watch him open it. “Something I couldn’t have you, uh…open in front of Grace. Or your guests this afternoon. Or… anyone but me. I hope.”

“Ha… uh, yeah. Woah,” Steve eyed the box of specialty lubes and condoms with the slightly strained smile that appeared whenever he was on the self-conscious side. “I guess not, huh?”

He sounded at least as intrigued as he did nervous, thank God. But there was something else in his voice, and before Danny could fully define it Steve did it for him.

“Listen, D, I … appreciate this. I don’t want you to think for a second I don’t. But I hope you won’t be upset if I ask that we tuck this in my dresser and save it for down the road.”

“Down the…what? Really?”

“Not long. I’m not talking about months or anything, but… I need you to be patient.”

“So it’s not in my head. That you’re kind of happier staying in the shallow end of the pool with me?” Danny tried to rein in the grey, prickly wave of rejection asking to be let in to run amuck with his emotions and felt himself losing to it. “You want to keep it all about getting off, but... nothing too connected. Right?”

“Don’t say that,” Steve got up and nodded toward the far end of the couch, asking Danny to slide over. “It’s not what I mean at all.”

Steve sat and leaned his side against him, taking his hand and there was that - at least he was here and touching him, and it felt nice, Steve’s thumb making circles over the spot between his thumb and finger.

“Fine, that’s not what you meant. So…tell me what you did mean.”

“Only that it’s been a really rough few months for us both. Hasn’t it? A lot of loss, and heavy emotion. You can’t be over what you went through. I know I’m not over what I found out about my mom raising a freak who had it in him to torture me practically for the fun of it. I can’t….deal. With almost anything, Danny. I need to do nothing more than get up and go to work every day, take each one as it comes and know things can stay the way they are for now. Does that make sense?”

“Actually,” Danny let Steve tilt his chin back, accepted the kisses Steve was tracing over his jaw, his neck. “I guess it does. Sort of.”

It wasn’t hard to go with the flow; to let Steve tip him back and get over him, dry humping them both to hardness. It was easy enough to undo his shirt buttons and shimmy out of his own pants, to let his body respond to Steve’s touch - the fingertips making light circles over his bare thighs, then tracing and teasing and tugging at them both until they were twisting and straining, bodies tight with the need for release. 

It was easy to come for him any way that they did it; always a powerful thing to watch Steve being turned inside out.

But then Danny was in his car and driving back to his apartment for the night - alone in the cool, muggy silence and the questions reared up again. Rejection tapped him on the shoulder and said, “But….no.” 

It wasn’t okay. It might have to be, but it wasn’t, really. Because Steve still wasn’t telling him everything.

-*-  
December 26th

“Thanks, but I can’t,” Danny kept flipping through the papers in the case file lying open on the computer table, giving Steve a shrug. “Can’t come over this weekend, ‘cause I’m taking Grace to Vegas. We’re flying out tonight, I’ll be back Monday morning bright and early.”

“But you…” Steve looked around, kept his voice down, but Chin and Kono were in their offices and clearly wouldn’t hear this anyway. “….you hate Vegas, don’t you?”

“It’s never making my list of top ten favorite places, no. But my sisters are staying at a time share they rent every year between the holidays, and since I only had Christmas morning with Grace I got the okay from Rachel to have her go with me.”

Danny glanced up quickly enough to see the slightly wounded expression in Steve’s eyes before Steve could swallow and nod and force his expression to neutral again. He stopped dealing with the documents long enough to run a hand up Steve’s arm and give it a ‘look at me’ squeeze.

“Hey. I’m not doing this to play keep-away. And I’m not screwing with your head, okay? It came up at the last minute because my sisters weren’t even sure they had it in them to go this year, but…they decided they’d rather not sit at home with Matty on the brain.”

“I can see that,” Steve said, and Danny heard it - that Steve partly meant it, partly didn’t. 

It sounded exactly how he’d felt last night on the way home. And while he truly wasn’t playing games, maybe a weekend apart was smart right now. They were grownups. They could get through a rough patch, and not let it mess with their heads.

-*-

December 29th

“Son of a….ye _aaa_ aaah, like that…” Danny wished there were something other than the paper towel dispenser and the nearest sink basin to hold onto. “Damn, that mouth. So…ohhhhsoooo, so damn good.”

He could use a little more support. The sight of Steve on his knees on the floor in front of him, shirt and fly open, his own cock in his hand and eyes softly closed as he sucked Danny off was almost enough to make him wobbly. And that sweet, hot, mouth tight around him, the way Steve was humming, head bobbing, tongue slithering along the back of Danny’s dick as he worked his way up and down and up….

“ _Jeezzz…us_. That is …filthy…” Danny pressed his upper back to the tiled wall, hips swaying and stuttering as Steve spit and sucked again and he fought the urge to push. 

This hadn’t been his idea. It was all Steve. As in the wired, solemn, deeply needy Steve he’d come back to find on Monday, a guy who trailed Danny like a shadow, touching him quickly but intently whenever the others were in their office or not around.

“What is up with you?” Danny had asked when Steve had come to his office to stand right behind him by Danny’s file cabinet, ducking in to, no kidding, seriously bite and lick at Danny’s own ear, hand unquestionably cupping and stroking Danny’s actual ass. “We said we wouldn’t do this at…”

“I know. Need you. Not tonight, not at lunch. Right now. Need my mouth on you, please Danny…”

“Such a bad idea. A bad, _aw…fuu….nggggh_ …” Danny had cut the thought short as Steve popped his hips and pushed Danny into the file case so hard there as a low bang. “How the hell am I supposed to say no and keep working like a grownup if you grind me? I’m only…huuu..uhhh… _man-oh-man_..... damn….c’mon.”

“So don’t say no.”

Steve had him firmly against the cabinet now, forcefully enough that one of the handles was pressing into his abs. 

“Basement bathroom,” Danny surrendered, feeling Steve kiss his head softly in thanks. “Far end of the hall, past the janitor’s closet,”

He had pushed to make room, then turned and given Steve a push. 

“Go. We can’t walk down there together, right? I’ll be there in three minutes.”

Which was why they were here now, in the grungiest room in the building, Danny’s increasingly involuntary groans echoing in the less than delectable air.

"Fuck, oh fuck....me... don't stop...don't....or I'm coming on your face....shiiiiitttt...."

Steve went deep and Danny came so hard when that throat closed over him that he felt himself come close to falling, hands grabbing at the sink and Steve to keep himself up.

~*~

"What. The hell, babe?"

Danny zipped up and tucked his shirt, watching Steve do the same by the sink, hands still damp from splashing his face and washing up. 

"Sorry," Steve said. "I just needed that."

"Yeah, so you said. And there's nothing wrong with it, except...why do I feel like we're getting into 'Hot Mess' territory?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"Yeah, you do. Why have you gone from 'give me some time' to 'need you in the men's room' immediately?'"

"'Cause I had time to think this weekend, and...I'm pretty sure we're not going to make it. You're going to ....lose patience with me and..."

"Okay. Enough," Danny got by the door, a hand on it. "What aren't you telling me, Steven? There's something you're not saying and I want to know right n..."

"There's.... someone in the hall. I think. We've gotta go..." 

Steve practically tossed Danny away from the door and Danny let him - watching and incredulous.

"Give it a minute," Steve was halfway out. "I'll go run some errands. I'll...be back. In a while. Okay?"

Danny did give it a minute, and then walked very slowly back to his office.

There was no one there. In the hall. Never had been. 

He spent the rest of his work day on files and year end accounting for cases, and waited for something else that never happened- Steve coming over to talk with him. 

Then he gave Steve some space, and went home- with a heavy heart and a head full of questions unanswered.


	3. New Year, New Start

**December 31st**

Chin invited quite a few more people to his New Year's party than Danny had expected to see. It made for a festive kind of hubbub, but meant he had to look around for a few seconds before he spotted Steve.

They hadn't talked since Steve had given him that extra-needy, furtive blowjob in the HQ basement two days ago. That was mostly because Steve had always had the last couple of days of the year penciled in for a trip to the North Shore to do some surfing. Danny guessed he'd stayed home instead, but he hadn't called to ask and Steve hadn't reached out, either.

"There you are," Steve said under his breath as Danny walked up and for a second they were good - Danny nudging him with a shoulder, Steve smiling softly, relief in his eyes. "Wondered if maybe you'd skip this tonight."

"Of course not."

"You pissed at me?"

"Do I look it?"

"No but... you leaving the other weekend for Vegas... and then when I didn't hear from you by today? I figured... maybe you needed a break from the crazy."

"You're not crazy," Danny looked up, demanding Steve's gaze. "That's the main thing I keep thinking, trying to figure this out. And nothing's happened; nothing's...bad between us. That's the other thing. I'm so confused."

"Yeah. I can see why you would be."

"Have you been this freaked out about us the whole time? Like over the summer, I mean? Before... Matty and ...what happened to you? I've been wondering if maybe you were and I didn't pick up on it?"

"I think we should wait....uh...until we're not...at a party."

It was hard to argue that.

"Why do I feel...." Danny tried to come up with the right words for it. "Why do I feel like we're a separated couple, tiptoeing on eggshells? "

"Danno...don't. Don't say that."

The Steve he was most used to, the one ready to spar, would have come right back with 'you should be so lucky as to ever get a ring on my finger in the first place' or something like it. Maybe even complete with a 'screw you' grin. But this Steve? He looked shaken, eyes on the floor and darting like he was thinking about the quickest way out of the room.

"Hey, woah, sorry, I didn't know that would land on you so hard..." He got a hand on Steve's arm, watched Steve's jaw working as he forced himself back to calm and straight faced. "Dialing it down now. I am. I'm dialing down any kind of 'us' talk, good?"

"Yeah," Steve said, and nothing more.

"Look, there are some folks here from HPD that Chin invited - saw them back in the kitchen. Why don't we go chat them up? It'll be good for relations next time we're on a scene together."

"That's a great idea," Steve said, visibly relieved for the diversion.

~*~

"I'm almost afraid to ask," Kono said an hour later, picking some veggies from the closest snack platter.

"Is it obvious? That something's got our boy really wound lately?"

"Um....extremely. Is he sharing 'what or why' with you?" 

"Not yet," Danny sipped the water he'd switched to after his first drink. It had seemed like a very good idea to stay stone cold sober tonight. "He's in lockdown mode."

"There are still two hours 'til midnight," She said. "Maybe get him out of here for a while?"

"Thought about it," Danny said. "Kind of worried it could backfire."

~*~ 

The hundred and twenty minutes until midnight crawled -- partly because it was a little tedious making small talk with people who were getting buzzed when he wasn't. But Danny mingled and tried not to check his watch, and all at once the room got louder the way it does when everyone's sensing the new year approaching.

Danny looked at it now and saw it was almost three minutes of. He scanned the room, saw the couples finding each other, pairing off, groups of friends passing around noisemakers and topping off champagne glasses. 

He looked for Steve and spotted him. Leaving.

"Excuse me," Danny used both arms to try to gently separate the sea of people in his way. The party had only picked up, and the house was packed.

"Danny, here, c'mon..." someone tried to pull him into their group."Hang with us..."

"Sorry," he spun away. "Can't. Thanks, but...gotta....go." 

He tugged free, trying to walk faster but that was easier said than done. 

By the time he made it outside he could see Steve's car along the curb but no sign of him - until he spotted his silhouette and his distinctive walk; half way up the dark side street, headed toward the main road, phone to his ear. Calling a cab, probably.

"Steven Jack McGarrett!" he yelled it so loud, in his 'freeze, sucker' voice that it carried up the block and he saw Steve stop flat. "Don't you dare go."

Which was pushing it, really, 'cause Steve could leave if he wanted. Had every right to. Except no. This had to stop.

"Get back here," He yelled it, but softened his tone. "Please. For the sake of my ....really worried heart, get back here."

Danny didn't say a thing more, afraid to spook him as he walked slowly back his way. He stayed silent as the dull roar of the party got even louder, even with the door closed. Watched Steve stopping inches from him, forehead finding the top of Danny's head and hands running over Danny's sides, his back. It felt like a non-verbal 'I'm sorry.' 

"Tell me nothing's seriously... horribly wrong?" Danny got arms around him, too. "Are you having complications from that ....crap those bastards pumped into you? Or did the docs find something..."

"No," Steve's hands stopped where they were - one on Danny's hip, squeezing, the other flat against his back. He didn't move, though, didn't pull away an inch. "I know I've been...a mess. But I'll be all right. Eventually."

"Eventually, huh? You came back to work too fast. You should've taken more..."

"It's not about work, Danny."

"How many cocktails did you have tonight?"

"Three," Steve said. "I'm not drunk. Shouldn't drive, but I'm not..."

"Good. Here's what we're doing. I'm driving to your house, and making us coffee. We're sitting in your back yard and we're talking whatever this is through..."

"Danny..."

Behind them Danny heard the chant begin of 'ten, nine, eight...'

"Don't 'Danny' me. Leaving you alone and asking nicely hasn't helped. I'm insisting. And seeing it's our first New Years together I'd appreciate it if we could goddamn kiss, first?"

He didn't have to ask twice; Steve was pulling him in as the crowd got to 'one,' tipping him back as they cheered. 

Danny looked up into eyes that were such a mix of need and sorrow, that he had to close his own. He felt two slow, light kisses first - soft mouth but almost no tongue, the kind of sweet, gentle kisses the other partygoers were probably exchanging inside. Then Steve was angling him where he wanted him, tipping him more, asking for Danny's mouth with his tongue and...

He'd never felt so held, so _kissed_ rather than _kissing_ as he let Steve lead this. An arm was strong behind him, Steve's other hand everywhere - Danny's hair, his back, fingertips teasing his side, palm warm against him, pulling him closer. And the whole time, that mouth working his - strong, possessive. So much 'mine' in it, and damn that was a relief if not an answer.

He felt warm and boneless by the time Steve let him up for air, had to make sure his feet were firmly on the ground as he opened his eyes -- to the sight of Steve's bright with unshed tears.

"Babe...." Danny reached with a thumb, swiping softly at Steve's lower eyelid and catching one of them, feeling it dampen his skin. "Did someone break your heart on New Year's maybe?"

"Yeah," Steve said it low and raspy, hesitant. "Uh...no. But ...yeah," 

Danny reached and kissed him once more, lips barely brushing. 

"Now....they're making some sense, these last ten days. Starting to at least. C'mon, let's go: Car, coffee, beach."

~*~

"Freddy and I were young when we started messing around," Steve had taken a few sips of the coffee Danny made them, was setting his cup down on the lawn next to his chair now. "We didn't even discuss as much as you and I have. You know? About how we won't let it affect us?"

"Yeah," Danny said. "I know."

He heard it in his own voice; he was also acknowledging those promises are so tricky to keep. 

"I wanted more from Freddy - as in everything. We couldn't have been public back then but... I had it in my head, how we'd make it work. I got up the nerve to talk to him one December. I figured, 'new year, new start.'"

"Oh, no...."

"The party we were at was big. I found him right before midnight, but...he was with this pretty, blonde girl. I didn't know her. The way they kissed at midnight...."

"His wife?"

"Eventually."

"But you kept on being his friend?"

"He hadn't done anything to deserve me shutting him out. He... never saw us the way I did. It was all friendship and stress release for him. There was a wall between us, though, after that. Even when we were giving each other grief."

"That...." Danny felt himself shiver at the thought of it. "...would be intolerable."

"I know what you're going to say next."

"You do, huh? Got ESP all of the sudden?"

"You want to say it's not like that with us; we understand each other better. But you have Grand Canyon-sized commitment phobia.."

"All right, woah, hold up. That's only.... maybe ...eighty percent fair."

"Ninety five percent. And you're the only other person I've ever wanted this from. So it's pretty damn scary."

"'This' as in...."

"Everything."

"Every..thing?" Danny cursed the near cough in his voice halfway through the simple word.

"For now, just a promise. That we're exclusive. And we can be public about it."

"You want me to make a poster, pin it up on the bulletin boards at the palace, at HPD?"

"I'm sure that won't be necessary," Happily, Steve was giving him time to digest, wasn't reacting negatively to Danny's sudden display of 'ants in pants' as he shifted in his seat. There was even a hint of a smile threatening to play at his mouth. "And then there's moving in here: I don't need you to say yes tonight, but..."

"Here? With you, twenty four by seven..."

Somewhere in the back of his racing mind, Danny remembered saying only a few days ago that he wanted exactly that from Steve: Everything. He wasn't sure now that he'd thoroughly considered all it might entail.

"Yes. That's what happens when you move in with someone - you live with them all the time. I shouldn't have to tell you this, D, you've been married before."

"Have you thought this through? All the non-sexy stuff? Taking out the garbage, paying bills...."

"Yes."

"Vacuuming and .....stomach flus and ....toenail clippings...."

"And about that... being hitched? We don't have to set a schedule for getting married," Steve went right on, practically talking over him. "It's not like I'm gonna set a timer and hold you to it..."

"Woah, hey, hey...what the...."

"See? This is what... I've been afraid to say, Danny. For months, now. That if we're moving forward then I have to know you can at least ...feel like it's possible."

"Possible? How is this _conversation_ even possible?" Danny had set his own coffee down somewhere along the way, was fighting the urge to get up and start pacing. "you're 'Mr. No Commitment,' too, buddy, in case you've forgotten?"

"Was, Danny. Not 'am.' I was. Then I opened my eyes on that cement floor last month and ...you were the only thing in the world that made any sense. I came out of that day feeling like... if I lose you it might not kill me but it could actually break me. And I've been afraid to face that."

"I guess...I can see why. Wow. Just.... wow."

"So?" Steve picked his cup back up, watching Danny as he drank. "I got the words out. I feel wrung the hell out, but I said them. And I'm hearing a lot of surprise back, but I'm not hearing anything close to a yes."

"Will you wait a second? Please? It's not fair," Danny sat back in his chair, eyes going out toward the water, trying to calm his jittering nerves. "You have to give me a second to wrap my head around this."

Danny felt a hand; Steve's palm pressing his, fingers threading through - light grip, no pressure.

"Take your time," he heard Steve mutter it, trying to sound offhanded even though his heart was audibly in his throat, too.

Danny couldn't look at him and think at the same time, couldn't gather his racing thoughts. So he closed his eyes and focused on the sound of the water in front of them, the sea breeze rattling the palms, the hand holding his and he asked himself ...'yes or no.....'

"Yes."

"Yes, what, D?"

"Yes, I can see being with you. All the time. It might kill me, eventually if not sooner but... I can see it a hell of a lot better than I can see being without you. There's no one else I can picture getting old with but...yeah, I can see that, too. I'm not gonna lie, the 'M' word is still ....terrifying."

"I know," Steve looked so relieved he was practically sliding down in the chair. "I get that..."

"But I'm ready for more. And it's sure as hell not just about friendship or stress relief, so...yes. Yes to us, and don't you dare fricking cry over there 'cause I can deal with you losing it, but not over me."

"I'm...not. I won't."

"I need two things back," Danny said, watching him nod. "First, you don't keep things from me anymore. We talk about them before they build up to....this."

"Yes."

"Second, the word 'marriage' doesn't get spoken around Kono or Grace anytime in the year 2015, or we'll be up to our necks in catalogues and pictures of tuxes...."

"Understood..."

"... and invitations and place settings and flowers and honeymoon vacation packages..."

"Danny, I said I...."

"Good. Just want to make sure you appreciate the full, potential horrors of a slip up."

"Can we go upstairs?" Steve sounded like he wasn't sure he'd make it if they waited much longer, might curl up and crash here on the lawn.

"Absolutely. Leave the cups, only a little black coffee in 'em - I'll get them in the morning."

As they walked up, Danny got a look at the degree of relieved but 'done' on Steve's face and he slid an arm around him.

"So, are you too tired for us to open my Christmas present to you tonight?"

"Are you kidding?" Steve kept walking, but pulled him in, lips finding Danny's cheek as they did. "I think I'd have to be in traction and semi-comatose to not be up for that. Besides...it'll help me sleep. I'm exhausted, but I feel wired."

"Best news I've heard all night. Hey..."

"Yeah?" 

"Come here, please?" 

Danny watched Steve pause with a hand on the door, ready to open it, and then accept his gesture to step in for a hug. It felt like the right thing to do before they went in really together for the first time. 

Steve felt so much like 'home' wrapped around him- the smell of his skin through his shirt and the good cologne he used only for parties and work events, his tall, strong body leaning into Danny, heavy with relief and contentment.

"New year, new start?"

"Yeah. Absolutely. Happy New Year, Danny."

"Happy New Year, Steven."


End file.
